[.:Thoughts of The Night:.]

I'm bored out of my mind and I thought that maybe I could talk, but to who at 4am in the morning? Blog it. This thing is quite useful. I was just thinking about myself and my life...

People have always told me I have a loud personality with a really loud voice and an undeniable raidiance of blissful glee. Though to speak, I find it all deniable and a down right lie sometimes. I mean seriously. No one, no one, can be happy all the time, right?

I think that my loud personality is like my shell, my protection from the world that charges at me constantly with situations and troubles. I don't think I could ever be completely myself in front of people I don't love so much. People I love can see the real me though. But like a switch, if I see someone, a not so close friend, I add a little more hint of my bubbly sunshine. I'm not saying I have a personality disorder but I think a lot of people do it, their social profile doesn't always completely match their introvertive self. Their personal self. 

~~~***~~~

Only two or three days ago did I have a fight with friend. It was more so an issue of question, can this person ever treat me as equal as her other good friend? Or will she ditch me immediately, while I stood by her, when she gets her friend back? 

But I later learned through e-mails why she does the things she does, because, she opened up to me, she felt the relation and reason to explain. She told me that, in her world, she has to please everyone she loves and that she feels the need to fix things all the time. Because she can't imagine hurting someon she loves, she rather they hurt her than vice versa. I don't want to expose her personal things she wrote as much as I already have, but I understood why. But this situation wasn't her fault and she never had to fix it, she fixed things that didn't need fixing and I saw her reasoning behind why she could do something like she did. 

And it came to the point where I was telling her that if she had seen what I had gone through, her life would be a walk in the park. So she opened up to me, a snippet of her darkness. And she told me something she had never told anyone, and so for that I thanked her for trusting me.

I realized at that point, when she said she felt the need to tell me that, tha under some of my loud personality my memories leak into lives and let people relate to me. People have always told me they felt they could share with me and that there was something about me. And I would always say in my mind that it was because you can relate to my pain and you can feel like you belong with me. I can be related to anyone pain because, willingly, I listen. And for that people become thankful.

The key  to being a good speaker is to listen. I say it sometimes, and I realize as well that, I subconcsciously apply that to my life. But really, I don't need to be a good speaker, maybe story telling is better. =]

I don't have much more to say because I think I am actually a bit tired, tired enough to sleep. So I'll say good night and good early morning to everyone. =]

Thanks for listening. Hehe.

-DS

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Yes, the photos are by me. =]