It's one of those nights, the one where you're up at an unthinkable time, sitting there, sleepless. The radiating heat source warms your skin against the frozen air around. The air is ice cold and you wonder why you left it open if you were going to huddle near your electricity wasting, hot heated lamp. But you don't even have to think to answer. It's the comfort zone of yours, different from others, the ones with fattening junk foods, from being with your love and enjoying the bed being shared. Just, different. It's not the buzz you need. It's the loneliness you need, space to think.
You think for more than you can imagine; about life, mistakes, memories, choices, future. It comes to you, the anxiety that gets to you. Realizing nothing is set in stone and everything is a problem coming at you. You feel like, if you were in a movie, flashes of memories would be playing behind you lids and you would be the emotions you felt at that moment, but that's in movies. Reality is that when you think about it, those memories that haunt or brighten your life...are really what is to say about yourself. The way you are, the reason you've become stronger in some ways and weak in others. You feel memories, and you feel the overload. Angst filled tears stroll down your cheeks and you decide, alone time is over. Sleep and wake up tomorrow.
The next morning, you wake up and do your daily routines. Go to work say hello to your fellow co-workers and put a smile on your face, pretending. Pretending like nothing ever happened.
None of it happened.
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